Human Nature, Ranting, Raving

Going Out Should Be Positive

After a long day of (insert activity/job here) you want to do something to bring your energy down so you can relax. If you go out for five hours, return home, and are still on edge, you are doing something wrong (or there is something wrong).

There is someone who has been living with us since August. We wanted to help her because she was pregnant with a family member’s son. She has be ridiculing everything we do in our house: the way we clean, the way we organize our things, the way we relax. Even during the holidays, we were told how to use the Christmas decorations we had. At first we thought it was a pregnant thing, but she has since given birth to their son, passed the six weeks post-labor, and she is still exhibiting the same controlling behaviors. Except now it’s just worse. There is a baby in the mix.

She is living in my mom’s house because my mom saw that this young teenage mother had a need. None of this teenager’s wealthy family members will help her. She has been moving around since she was fourteen. It sounds like she burned all the bridges she had with her family during that time. They will only take her or only take the baby. What’s that about?

So this young mother and young father (our family member) went out today to shop at target and get a haircut for the father. As soon as she returned, she noticed that some of her things were moved. Yes, they were moved. My mom had cleaned the kitchen and family rooms because they were filthy from being dirty and had trash (at times/sometimes picked up) and had blankets and a baby seat for a 6 month old (FYI the baby is only 2 months old currently). If you are living at someone’s house, the least you can do is pick up after yourself. Then if you do leave your stuff lying around, don’t get upset at the owner of the house because she moved it, but they were still in the same spots the young teenage mother left it (but now the area was cleaned). Put all the stuff in the room given graciously to you if you don’t want people to touch it.

This young teenage mother is recently a legal adult. She has said to us that her doctor prescribed her medicine to deal with her anxiety and post pardon stress. This adult refuses to take it, so all the effects of her behavior weighs our shoulders down with stress. This sounds like it isn’t just a pregnant or post pregnant behavior. It sounds like something she has been doing for a long time. It also sounds like some terrible things happen to her in her childhood, so she looks at everything differently. But again, now she is an adult, she needs to take charge of her behavior especially when a professional has told her what she needs.

Being upset because the owner of the house cleaned the kitchen and living room they use and don’t clean after they use it is not the correct response. I have been sent and read several articles on dealing with people with behavioral problems. You’re suppose to ignore them. You’re supposed to have a neutral third person with you whenever you talk to or confront them. Talk in “I” statements rather than “you” statements. The list goes on.

We have lived with a pregnant woman before. We have been around crying newborns before. Neither of those bother us. We know the mother will be tired. We also take in consideration that this particular mother is a young teenager. Yet how she reacts is a whole other thing. We don’t know how to deal with this young teenage girl. Especially now since she threatens to say bad things about the father, our family member, so she can stay in our home and he would have to live somewhere else. Our patience is definitely being tested. And our hospitality and kindness can only go so far until we are beyond exhausted from dealing with someone who should be under the care of a medical professional.

I tried not to drag on this post too long or jump all over the place, but it seems like that’s what I did. If you know someone or have been in a similar situation please feel free to comment and share it and any advice that worked for you. There were thousands of comments on each article I read. I know there are many kind people being taken advantage of. This is my way of venting and sharing our own story. You are not alone.

Ranting, Raving

Fake Friends 101

Joan Jett has a song called “Fake Friends” where she sings “You don’t lose anything when you lose fake friends.” It’s true to an extent. What you lose is the time you’ve spent making plans, hanging out with them, and confiding with them about things that are important to you. I have encountered many people that have wasted my time, so I have come up with a list of things to look out for.

First of all, if when you first go out with them and they are busy looking at the things behind you or around you guys, he or she isn’t really interested in what you have to say. Even if there is nervousness, they will meet eyes with you while you talk. I drove 20-30 minutes out of my way to meet a friend. They didn’t focus on me at all. The meeting was unimportant in their eyes.

Secondly, if you meet up somewhere for food, and he or she orders and eats their food without waiting for you, they care more about themselves that waiting for you. I was about a minute late to meeting a “friend”. This person was sitting down to a fat burrito. They said, “Oh, I hope you don’t mind I already ordered. That’s not rude is it?” The fact of the matter was that it was rude. The fact that they pointed it out meant that they knew and didn’t care.

The third thing to watch out for is have similar interests. Just because you have one thing you both like to do, let’s say biking, it doesn’t mean you have to put up with negative behavior the person does. Now, I didn’t have anyone to bike with. I really wanted bike. I ignored all the negative things they said in order to have a biking partner. This is not worth it. Wait for someone you actually like to do activities with.

Another test to see if you have (a) fake friend(s) is when you offer them a few packets of “emergency” packets for water flavor because my stomach disagrees with it, and they ask for all the packets, you have a selfish friend and possibly a fake friend too. They just want and want. You want friends who give and take as much as you do.

If someone says they don’t like drama or call themselves peaceful people, but get drunk and make fun of people behind their back, they’re being hypocritical. I had a friend one time who got in a yelling spree the weekend before. They were drunk, yelled to all her friends that they weren’t their friends anymore, and blacklisted all their numbers. I went to a concert with this person and voiced my worry that she would do the same if they drank. That time nothing happened, but the following time she slapped my face across the cheek just for touching her hat playfully. Some people and their hats, man. What is that? I was never apologized to. “It was no big deal,” she said. “I’m taking it too far,” said their roommate. I never spoke to that person again. And ignored them when I saw them at a gig I was freelancing at.

There are many more ways to find out if you have befriended a fake friend. These are just some of the few. Hopefully it will help you make your life more positive.

Ranting, Raving

The Revolving World

The world does not revolve around you or me. It revolves and we’re in it. While I can control how I react to stimuli it may be the only thing I can control. When it comes to planning, I don’t like to plan. Plans change. I like to play by ear, so when someone asks me what time? what time? It becomes a pain in the butt to plan things depending on the person.

Conflicts of schedule come up: I have to meet a client, my family is having a get together (and mom won’t change it. You’ve been there), etc.

When I say I’ll be somewhere, I’ll be there. I cannot decide three days in advance what time exactly. And trying to get a time out of me doesn’t help at all. It makes me not want to go at all. I have a theory that people want an exact time, so they can get others locked into the plan. Even if some conflict of schedule did occur, they are mad regardless because people have already locked themselves into this plan.

When either of my siblings are three hours late to dinner, it’s okay. My mom is just glad they are there. I get that. So why do I have to pick a time when I know they are going to get there when they are going to get there. Why can’t I just get there when I get there. Am I being treated differently because I don’t have a husband and kids? Well, I certainly didn’t choose that route. I still shouldn’t have to live by someone else’s choices. I understand why they are late. I just want to be able to do the same. My brother has work or is getting a ride from a friend. He has to wait until he gets off work or wait until his friend is ready to drive him. Other good reasons to be late. Whereas I had plans to go hiking. I have my own car. I don’t have anything keeping me from being late except my own plans. So why am I expected to give out all my plans three days in advanced that I don’t even know myself. I’m not going to make a commitment to a certain time. And if I’m late I just want the same forgiveness.

The world doesn’t revolve around you and I. We have to live life moment by moment. We should not have to be locked into a schedule forced upon us by someone else. If you want to make a living doing a 8am-5pm job to pay for that house, that’s your prerogative. Just don’t put all your stress on me because I chose a much simpler life.