After a long day of (insert activity/job here) you want to do something to bring your energy down so you can relax. If you go out for five hours, return home, and are still on edge, you are doing something wrong (or there is something wrong).
There is someone who has been living with us since August. We wanted to help her because she was pregnant with a family member’s son. She has be ridiculing everything we do in our house: the way we clean, the way we organize our things, the way we relax. Even during the holidays, we were told how to use the Christmas decorations we had. At first we thought it was a pregnant thing, but she has since given birth to their son, passed the six weeks post-labor, and she is still exhibiting the same controlling behaviors. Except now it’s just worse. There is a baby in the mix.
She is living in my mom’s house because my mom saw that this young teenage mother had a need. None of this teenager’s wealthy family members will help her. She has been moving around since she was fourteen. It sounds like she burned all the bridges she had with her family during that time. They will only take her or only take the baby. What’s that about?
So this young mother and young father (our family member) went out today to shop at target and get a haircut for the father. As soon as she returned, she noticed that some of her things were moved. Yes, they were moved. My mom had cleaned the kitchen and family rooms because they were filthy from being dirty and had trash (at times/sometimes picked up) and had blankets and a baby seat for a 6 month old (FYI the baby is only 2 months old currently). If you are living at someone’s house, the least you can do is pick up after yourself. Then if you do leave your stuff lying around, don’t get upset at the owner of the house because she moved it, but they were still in the same spots the young teenage mother left it (but now the area was cleaned). Put all the stuff in the room given graciously to you if you don’t want people to touch it.
This young teenage mother is recently a legal adult. She has said to us that her doctor prescribed her medicine to deal with her anxiety and post pardon stress. This adult refuses to take it, so all the effects of her behavior weighs our shoulders down with stress. This sounds like it isn’t just a pregnant or post pregnant behavior. It sounds like something she has been doing for a long time. It also sounds like some terrible things happen to her in her childhood, so she looks at everything differently. But again, now she is an adult, she needs to take charge of her behavior especially when a professional has told her what she needs.
Being upset because the owner of the house cleaned the kitchen and living room they use and don’t clean after they use it is not the correct response. I have been sent and read several articles on dealing with people with behavioral problems. You’re suppose to ignore them. You’re supposed to have a neutral third person with you whenever you talk to or confront them. Talk in “I” statements rather than “you” statements. The list goes on.
We have lived with a pregnant woman before. We have been around crying newborns before. Neither of those bother us. We know the mother will be tired. We also take in consideration that this particular mother is a young teenager. Yet how she reacts is a whole other thing. We don’t know how to deal with this young teenage girl. Especially now since she threatens to say bad things about the father, our family member, so she can stay in our home and he would have to live somewhere else. Our patience is definitely being tested. And our hospitality and kindness can only go so far until we are beyond exhausted from dealing with someone who should be under the care of a medical professional.
I tried not to drag on this post too long or jump all over the place, but it seems like that’s what I did. If you know someone or have been in a similar situation please feel free to comment and share it and any advice that worked for you. There were thousands of comments on each article I read. I know there are many kind people being taken advantage of. This is my way of venting and sharing our own story. You are not alone.